The Color of Love.

A peculiar thought ‘fought’ its way into my mind. It had to ‘fight’ because there are so many of them crowding my head. So now that it’s here, I wonder, if life could be expressed in colours, what exactly would be the colour of Love?

For me, it started with PINK. The softness, warmth and the Dream. A colour which only attracted, never repelled. It represented that nothing bad lurks behind, only the sweet truth- a bright PINK for happiness and a dull PINK for coziness. For Him too, it started with PINK. This colour, for him, was a new world altogether. It spelt tenderness and care, far away from his BLUE and BROWN life. A completely vulnerable and nascent side of him was revealed to me. There was PINK everywhere. PINK thoughts, PINK talks. Given the kind of person I am, excess of PINK repels me but this PINK induced a lovely subtle aroma every time I saw him.

Days and months went by and the colour started to deepen. It changed to RED. Things were not dreamy anymore. The sweet hesitation of PINK was gone. RED had taken its place. The crests and troughs of emotions started defining the bond. The gamut of feelings was no longer just part of our lives; it was all we cared about. People say that Love is everywhere- family, friends, everyone! Then, I ask, what makes this particular person’s Love so special? It might be the exclusive nature of his/her affection for you and according to me, RED aptly denoted this possessiveness, or rather, exclusivity. RED is a strong colour. Any other colour does not capture one’s mind so much. I used to believe our little relationship had now been nurtured into something strong and dependable. For me, the RED phase was still RED, but for him, RED had changed to BROWN. 

BROWN, in which he tried hard to locate RED but all he ever saw was a hint of RED hidden somewhere. His BROWN became so dark that one couldn’t say if it ever WAS RED. As for me, it was still RED. Now, my RED started having doubts about his colour when his coldness and indifference revealed their cruel form. I never realised the transition of his phases, I was THAT drenched in RED.

Later, when my RED started fading because of his BROWN’s influence and began to take the colour of RUSTY RED. I asked him, “Do you Love me?”. He wasn’t expecting this, but probably secretly wishing this question to come up. He remained silent. After several long…..long moments, he finally uttered, “I Don’t Know”. What I heard (interpreted) was “NO”, as for me either it was a RED or a BLACK. There was no place whatsoever for BROWN.

I thanked him for giving me some unforgettable memories. In that one moment, all PINK, RED, BROWN turned PITCH BLACK. Not dark brown, not dark grey, only BLACK. This ‘colourful’ story didn’t end here. My life continued to be BLACK for months. Long days and even lengthier nights. A new dawn never brought hope for me. I was directionless, purposeless, disillusioned, in short- BLACK. I longed to dispel this darkness which existed within me. BLACK is nothingness- when you absorb everything but reflect nothing back. I used to see, hear, smell, feel, taste but stopped reacting to any of it.

(After 11.5 months)

I endorse the saying that ‘Time heals all’. My colour, very slowly, turned to GREY and eventually to WHITE. I am now at peace with myself. There is light everywhere now. I have so many directions to take, so many decisions to make.

The good thing now is that now I am ready to take on another colour. This WHITE canvas is again ready to be painted PINK! ;-)